If neither Elia nor Rhaella were present at Harrenhal, who would Rhaegar be expected to crown? Would it be normal to honour Lady Whent as thanks to the hosts? In this circumstance, would Rhaegar choosing Lyanna still be seen as an expression of personal romantic interest?

Probably Lady Whent would be the politic choice. 

And yes, choosing Lyanna would still be a statement. 

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